Wednesday, July 14, 2010

And there it is

One simple word "fail".

This process has been exhausting. I've heard just about everything to do, not to do, from people that know, should know and know nothing. I worked as hard as I could given my skills, time, emotions, psych...and just one point. 1 point. Hard to believe that the last two years is punctuated this way. Just this side of the barbwire fence. But it might as well be 10,000 miles away. Probably just 1 or 2 questions.

I guess in the ebb and flow of events of life, there are always 'low tides'; those times when we are tested. This is one of them for me for sure. Perhaps my early counselors were right...maybe just not "cut out for this". I've ridden the waves into shore for glorious rides in the past, but this feels like the riptide, sucking me to deeper water...and I can't stand. I have to remember that, like the rip-tide, focusing on the little things will get me out.

I need to stop, take account and use my intuition to chart another long-term course. Need now to find out what my options are without becoming emotionally invested in this setback. Rash decisions, actions will be unlikely to work. This is an excellent time to refine existing abilities or develop new talents or, at best, discover subtle influences I can exert.

Feels pretty sucky though.