Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Trek

It's really hard to get out of bed some days because I know that what faces me is another block of hours of study. I may be being hard on myself to do the best I can on this upcoming exam, but that's the beast that is medicine. I laugh inside when people say I'm "type A" or an overachiever or some such. Not sure I'd want a PA or physician or surgeon taking care of me who wasn't. But that internal motivation to succeed at this is none the less the thing that does actually get me out of bed. Although love for the study content, and for people, doesn't hurt.

I'm nearing the end of the first 1/2 of study with the exam some weeks away. I'm gaining confidence but still not performing up to the demands of my motivation. The mini eureka experience I have daily help, but I know that there is much to do, more to come. It is, like life, a day to day existence and discipline to keep mentally, spiritually and physically healthy while continuing the self motivated effort to ingest and retain as much of this elephant, these pancakes, as I can. Some day soon, I'll have to regurgitate it back, on cue.

I wish people wouldn't keep telling me that this is the hardest test in the world. Or that they wouldn't be doing this if they were me. Neither is good motivation. I get it.