I Am Pumpkin

A recent reading outside of medicine, stimulated some thinking about the environment in which I find myself.

"There is an old story about a traveler who finds a pumpkin that has just started to develop. To protect the little pumpkin against the elements, he slips it inside of a jug. Then he goes on his way and forgets about it. When harvest time comes, the pumpkin has grown only as large as the jug. The jug that once protected it, eventually limits its growth."

There seems to be commonality among older graduate students in residential graduate programs. We have "stories" as to what brought us to this point in our lives. I notice how nobody questions the 20 somethings what brought them here. It is acceptable, even expected, of them.

I on the other hand found protection and shelter in a life and belief system I had before medical school; One I really believed in.  For a time that life and those beliefs offered comfort, acceptance and protection, but soon lost relevancy and usefulness. That life was my "jug" and stopped growing and started to lament about my condition.

The reality of the pumpkin in the jar is that eventually the pressure from growing against the glass will eventually cause the pumpkin to rot. I was trapped in my jug, my career, my life...and had to break the jug; Or, have someone break it for me; Which is ultimately what happened. I am now out of my jug and growing again.

What I had done, starting with a errant recommendation from a professional career counselor many years ago, was based decisions on limiting beliefs, seeking acceptance and avoiding risk. It was a set up for "jug rot." Now I use my beliefs to propel me daily to avoid rot and hopefully, create a wholly new approach to the practice of medicine.

Now, how do I say that to a 20 something without sounding like an ax murder?