I suck!

That sucking sound you heard today was probably me. Or maybe it was just "this", as in "this sucks". But I can't imagine a worse day in medical education or care.

After rounds I found myself alone. Everyone else bolted to their respective roles and responsibilities, leaving me to cover the entire service myself. Not a single word of goodbye, support, guidance or anything remotely looking like team work.

Now that wouldn't be so bad if the service wasn't filled with sick folks, if we weren't on call for new patients, if I didn't have to discharge several patients or if I was even remotely interested in this type of medicine. And more important, I'm not even close to being an expert at this. Frankly, I suck at it.

But there I was. Left alone to fend for myself, with little knowledge of the system, the rules that make little sense, the back up that appears to change like the wind or the practice of this type of medicine. On a good day, there would be 5 total folks doing this work. And there I was. Alone.

I've finally finished the day's work after working for 18 hours. I have to be back at 6 AM, less than 6.5 hours from now. The bed beckons. Retirement screams!