Why Not?

"Think big, start small." -- Patricia Fripp

I don't know what it is about age and medical school but the constant query of "why now" seems to percolate into every first encounter conversation. When I say I'm at the medical school to locals, and others I've not met yet, they always assume I teach there. I get that. Then the next seemingly logical question...student? Why now?

In my head, it's always "why not now". I had the life I wanted and hated it. I was a second class citizen in my marriage and my professional life.  The only person in my life that actually brought me peace and joy (most of the time) rejected me. Now I don't want this to be a sob, poor poor pitiful me story...it's not. It was the springboard to thinking bigger and starting somewhere. In medicine that mean starting small again. So the real question, when left with few choices in the field I love is, why not? The interesting thing is that for most older medical students, I suspect that is the case while the story may change slightly. At least that is what I've heard.

But the value of doing it this way is indisputable to me now after one term in school. I am better off as a student for having had the history I had. It makes me appreciate it that much more. It also has provided me a foundation that I appreciate every single day...Today it was as simple as a discussion of NG (nasogastric) tubes. While blank faces around me look in total awe and confusion about aspects of bedside care, internally I'm raving with joy...been there, done that.

My only regret is that I'm almost too old to do any long term residency in the areas of study I so enjoy. As the cranium was opened today, I realize how much I love neurosurgery (although I am so retarded at mastering the concepts). But with one of the longest residencies in medicine, neurosurgeon is clearly not an option.

So in my "why not", there are still many "whys" and it is nearly a daily event to sort out the why's from the why nots. Perhaps an exercise in futility, but a great exercise none the less.

T-minus 7 days 'til the comprehensive lab exam. May the anatomy Gods be with me. This is my "small start".

"If you try too carefully to plan your life, the danger is that you will succeed--succeed in narrowing your options, closing off avenues of adventure that cannot now be imagined." - Harlan Cleveland, Educator and statesman