Doubts

"There is clearly a difference between the physician who has doubts about his interest in clinical medicine, and the physician who has doubts about his ability. I have always had much more patience with the latter." - Steadism #63, pg. 33

For many in the early stages of medical school, there is an inverse with great confidence in ability that does not exist, and no interest (or clue) about clinical medicine. Conversation abounds around school about the amazing abilities that are, in reality, not present; Statements of fact, that in fact myth; Confidence, where real performance has not proved....and absolutely no interest in clinical medicine.

But I take heart in the knowledge that that interest will develop in many with increasing baseline knowledge and the move to clinical rotations in two years. As we progress in this mind-numbing process, confidence decreases as you realize how really little you know. And, interest in clinical medicine either does or does not emerge from that decreased confidence.

Thus one of the most important features of being an older, healthcare experienced medical student. I know I don't know anything (and I'm very confident in that), and I have an amazingly strong interest in clinical medicine. In that combination is the humility that makes the clinical years so much fun and something to look forward too. But before then I am daily tested by the teacher in me, to exhibit the humility and reverence to "the process", which at times can be so painful. And so the conundrum of the older student. It is a daily walk to judge not based on the past, be open to the possibilities, and just let it all flow over me so I can get to the clinical years. It is, after all, only medical school.